Today (well yesterday since it’s 12am+) is Jenny’s party. Sally and I came together since we had tutor right before. We came so late but surprisingly not the latest. We singstarred a lot. I was beaten quite a many times….but won in some as well hehe. Kylie was beaten by Timmy in My Happy Ending by Avril Lavinge by 20 points. Yes 20 points. Melissa Tran is a child prodigy in the arts of piano playing and she is an expertise at hitting notes. I was beaten in…Evanescence…Bring Me To Life…CUT. Jenny had one of the greatest presents for a sweet 16. A DOG….YES A DOG. Theresa, Jenny and I had a speak Viet only competition for a bit….I lost first and then it was Theresa xD. We played this different version of tap tap on Tony’s iphone, so much more epic than Tap tap man. Everyone actually stayed pretty late. Like always I stayed the latest. My party record of I think 11:05pm is when I left. When it was just me, Jenny and Timmy, we sung without giving a shit about the scores (I won hehe). So drunk on coke. Jenny’s mum is so cool, never thought she’d let me stay so late LOL, Theresa was 2nd last and went home like an hour or 2 before? I shall post the photos up when I’m not stone dead. - JohnBoii
Friday, June 11, 2010
promise me ?
have you every broken a promise?
that question, the answer, it's obvious. We've all broken at least one promise in our lives and if you haven't then... congratulations. Of course, at times it won't be such a big deal but if that promise meant something to you, wouldn't it kill? Have you ever regretted breaking a promise? Did it kill you seeing the person suffer because of what you did? Did it make you want to do something about it ? To change that mistake ? Turn it around ?
At times like this, i think i may as well lie back, go with the flow of life, and let it carry me where ever. Cus i honestly can't determine right from wrong anymore. I can't think for myself. Or more like i'm sick of thinking. Done it too much. I'm sick of having the same thought/s pulling me back from doing things. I'm sick of everything, everytime ________. It's too late for regrets though. And a very bad time to be making any(more). Don't bother asking me whats wrong cus you won't get an answer. I don't even know what i'm saying, let alone the matter. It's a desire i can't really interpret, of a satisfaction i can't seem find the bottom of. But whatever. All good things come to an end; i shall remember that, and perhaps the disappointment won't hit as hard, when it comes that is.
Monday, June 7, 2010
shout out.
I wish I could but I can't bring myself to do it at times. It's like there's something stopping me. It's like there's a barrier preventing me from letting it out. Something there that just makes me not want to say. Well to tell the truth, I'd rather not think about whatever it is so I put it aside. But from time to time it happens come back and cause me to feel all sorts of feelings. confused, angry, sad, worried, or something else I can't say cause I can't find the words to describe it. It's not easy to shout it out but it's better to isn't it ?
Sunday, June 6, 2010
When it all falls apart.
What do you do when it all falls apart. When you're reduced to tears in a lonely room without anyone physically there to hold you before you stumble. I can't focus let alone think. I want to sleep, and never wake up.
Milk
I wanted some Milo. I added 4 teaspoons of milo into my glass. I added milk....turns out there wasn't enough. I went to get more milk and poured it till it was 3 quarters full. I look on the label of the milk...container. IT WAS FUCKING SOY MILK, SO RIGHT NOW I'M DRINKING 1 PART MILO 2 PARTS SOY MILK!!!.
J
Thinking...
There's a time when everyone finds something they cherish. Whether it be an object, or a person. If it's an object, always keep it with you because you don't know when you'll want it back but you've already neglected it and thrown it away. If it's a person, tell them you love them, tell them you care and that you'll always be there. You never know when they'll disappear from your reach. You'll never know what'll happen along the way. I listen to songs for different reasons, one being that they remind me of different people. It's not the type of song, but it's what song each person likes, or what song was given to me or what the lyrics mean to me. An example would be Last Dance reminds me of Kim because she sent it to me, Song for the Broken Hearted reminds me of Lucy because she well she had it and she loves, Instrumental of Key of Heart reminds me of Jing because he let me listen to it on his ipod on the train at one stage and Baby reminds me of Jason (Lung) because it makes me smile when he gets the courage to sing infront of people. I guess there's symbolism in everything if you look hard enough. A smile could mean 'My day just got a whole lot better because I get to see you', a slight look away could mean 'I like you a lot, it just hurts that I can't tell you how I really feel', fluttering of the eyelashes and looking somewhere else could mean 'I'm hurting a lot but I don't want to look weak so I'll cry alone when no-one's there'. I've seen those looks on the people I care about, sometimes to other people I care about. Honestly, I don't know what they really mean, I'm only making assumptions. I don't know if there are other people that look deep into details as I do. Some might say that's a good thing, but honestly, I can say otherwise. If you're part of the equation, you may get multiple answers but come to the conclusion of just one. It could either be good, or it could either be bad. Doesn't matter which, you can always get the wrong message, which leads to misconception. If it's good, you live a lie. If it's bad, you can make it to the actual point by fussing over a figment of your imagination. Right now, I don't know what I'm going through, and I'm afraid to ask. If it's a lie I'm living, I'd do anything to keep it going longer, if it's bad, I'd do anything to get it back to the way it was. I guess I just really need you to say something, whatever it is. I'm just ranting right now and should be asleep and you'll probably never even see this. So I guess goodnight and sweet dreams.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Say something
Never set your hopes too high. Becus every hello ends with a goodbye.
There's always a time when life seems to have turned its back on you. And it gives you a whole load of shit you don't deserve. But before you start jumping to conclusions, try turning around and perhaps realize YOU were the one who turned your back on the world. That sounds a bit extreme but what i'm saying is, everything happens for a reason. Whether its your sudden sense of not belonging or invisibility. Your eyes won't start hurting without reason; something must have got in it. So instead of waiting for everything to heal, supposing its just another one of those times when life simply sucks, why not you do something and like, try mend it? You eyes aren't going to clean itself out. You gotta do it.
But, there are the other times when you give out candy and get backshowered with the empty wrappers. Those are the times when we need to kick some ass a little. No ones gonna realize how harsh their words were till someone cries. Remember. Never hope for anything if you're not ready to be disappointed. But remember this too. There IS people who care, and care a lot. We don't turn a blind eye on purpose. It's just that we hate playing hide and seek.
Friday, June 4, 2010
fag.
sweet desire..
Living, breathing but lacking energy. Existent with no spirit. Alive yet seeming so dead.
There are so many things that seem that way. So many things that seem to be there all the time yet they're not there. So many things that you could only dream of cause you know they are impossible. So many things that you wish could stay the same forever but you know they'll all come to an end.
Feelings of affection which were once so alive will eventually die out. Feelings of happiness, once so vibrant will fade away. Feelings of .. well.. anything, which are soon to disappear. Everything so alive yet so dead. So close yet so far away. Things that make you happy yet so sad. The feeling of emptiness, if you have not yet found it, will come and find you. Once it finds you, it'll haunt you. Haunt your dreams, your thoughts, your mind, your.. everything. Things that you wish were there yet you don't want them to be there. That feeling of wanting to be alone yet not wanting to be alone. That feeling of wishing for something while not wanting it either. It's there but it's not...
Reached my Limit.
What do you say when someone asks you what's wrong, and you don't know what's wrong. How do you tell someone that what's wrong is everything, with everything that happened within the day just come crashing down on you? What if you don't want to be portrayed as a self absorbed, narcissistic imbecile. How do you tell someone that all you want is a simple hug or a typical cliche like "i'll always be here". Yes, they're said many times over and over, but who said no-one means it when they say it, and who said that they never help anymore anyway. For me, just being there and staying there even if I'm being an ass makes me feel a lot better, it shows that you really do care. Just being there when I remove my mask, when I think about every one of my troubles and being someone I can lean on. You don't have to pay attention, you don't have to say a word. I'm there for a lot of people. I'd endure a lot for others, I just wished someone would do that for me. All I can really say now is, I wouldn't have left you alone in the rain like that.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Macbeth
Today we went to the Riverside Theatre at Parramatta. Personally i found it pretty good, just that it was too cold so I kept on falling asleep. I just remembered that if I sleep at an irregular time then I wake up worse and very restlessness. This results in me being willing to do nearly literally anything, very cranky at times or very daydreamy like and it seems like im on drugs. I feel sorry for the dude playing Macduff, he tripped at the fight scene D=.
I hate it when something good happens, but then something bad happens for you to feel bad after the good thing happens. Its stupid how the bad things are thought more about than the good things. I could think of many good things that happened in my situation right now but it only takes one moment for me to want to shed a tear and run away. I just hope you all have the strength to use good memories to combat against the ones that make you sad. I sincerely hope so.
J
lost interest.
Each day I begin losing interest
I seriously can't be bothered dealing with anything anymore
I used to care so much but now I'm just plain sick of seeing and hearing and feeling the same thing everyday
Why do you always let so much worry you?
Why don't you just come to realise it's not a fucking big deal
Get on with your freakin life cause it's only just begun
by the way, if you think this refers to you it fucking doesn't don't go around assuming things
I dont even know why it bothers me
When you’re around someone for so long they become a part of you, when they change or go away you become lost and you don’t know who you are without them.
You know what pisses me off?
I realized i lost my ability to scream today.
Nah that's not really it. I don't know what it is, but something really, really pisses me off, constantly. Not always though. There are times when it - lets call it a feeling - becomes rather satisfying. But for some reason, the satisfactory part seems to lean more within my own fantasy. Its like you welcome something in your arms, only to be stabbed by the knife it carried. It's unexpected, disappointing and painful. Mmmm i'm not making any sense. Screw this. I should really just let it go. Honestly, i don't even know why it bothers me so much.
SEVERELY~~~ I LOVE YOU :) 
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
personality disorder test.
There are so many things that seem that way. So many things that seem to be there all the time yet they're not there. So many things that you could only dream of cause you know they are impossible. So many things that you wish could stay the same forever but you know they'll all come to an end. 
Each day I begin losing interest
You know what pisses me off? 
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