what am I gnr do when the best part of me was always you
lying on the bench in a park. a lot's on your mind. look at the sky. notice the naked lady and her newborn. feel the nice breeze and the smell of the trees and dirt around you. observe the dead bug wrapped up in the spider's web. you just finished phoning with someone. your current favourite song is playing. every muscle in your body hurts from the rockhardness of the bench but you feel at peace. and you fall asleep...
as soon as you open your eyes you find yourself, head on a bundle of books. your hair is beyond a mess. you have a chem assessment to do. how you got here ? no idea. but it wasn't all a dream.
sarcasm.
I anticipate the coming of every math lesson. Filled with fun, excitement. I love every productive minute of it. No time to spare with the few distractions and desire to do something more 'fun'. Maths is fun. I love every second of it.
No. Just no.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
a nice memory.
remember back when we'd have group calls on skype. those late nights and early mornings we'd all spend together. the 'editting and removing' of messages just for ambiguity's sake. purposely kicking people out of the convo. our little dnm moments. am i missing anything ? the times we webcammed all day and when we had 'singing' sessions where we'd each take turns singing a song. OH and of course, getting pissed at my sister for being a pain in the ass. i really liked the way things were back then. really fun and nice to look back to. sure, i'll miss it but it'll never be that way ever again will it ? *continues rambling :)
to think it was only a year ago..
Friday, November 25, 2011
why bother
dontchu wonder why you ever put up certain people. why do I bother with you when all I get in return is the 'shit treatment'? why do I bother with you when I know that you won't appreciate it? why would I bother asking you, if I know you don't want it? why bother seriously.
dontchu hate it ? could just be me. recently, I find that even the littlest of things are able to urk me.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
sigh.
my day feels so incomplete. bit by bit, something else builds up and makes it even worse. please end soon.
tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride
i don't like the sound system used, but the actual song is awesome. though i reckon johns sings it better ^_~
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
do not feel deserving of sleep
english is always a bitch :( i've never touched this much junk food after 11pm... am stressing so bad :( stupid stupid stupid skrzynecki.
hypocrite.
fucking kids and their fucking language. just stfu.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
so i wondered where the word 'munchkin' derived from...
actually i didn't. never occurred to me till searching up cats just now.
introducing munchkin cats.
adorable right??? i thought so too
but that is just ridiculous
jokesjokes.
they're like sausage dogs, just... cat.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
that feeling of regret that overcomes you when you don't do something you could've done.
There's a point where you'll just come to a stand still.
It could be hours, days or years. But there will always be a point in time when you realise that what you're living is just a plain old lie. You pretend that you're happy, you move through the motions to get through the day, oblivious to how you really feel. Sometimes it breaks piece by piece or it just shatters into shrapnel but either way, the dam containing your true emotions just crumbles. You ask yourself why? The things you say you like, you in fact hate. Things you're sure about, really you have no clue. Those really good at integrating how they want to feel into reality are really infact, emotionally detached if they're able to pull off such a stunt and really convince themselves that their lies aren't lies at all. Some not endowed with such gifts have chinks in their armour, the right nudge basically obliterating any real use of it again. Humans all need emotional fulfillment whether you're a call girl substituting for daddy's nonexistent love, a junkie jumping for a next high or the people that seem totally void of emotions. With technology's advancements basic needs can be fulfilled. This is when great old television and cinematography come into play. Who needs something tangible or of substance when you can see characters that AREN'T you go through things you want to experience or ones that you can empathise with but also seeing an ending you may or may not have. English teachers talk about a catharsis as such a great thing (apparently its meaning is an emotional cleansing leaving you feeling refreshed and anew - bull shit, you can shove the whole word and its meaning up your arses). Films aren't just mere entertainment. They're drugs that, rather than damaging your liver and kidneys, deteriorate your retinas and inject you with whatever "cathartic" experience you desire. Love? Romances. Fear and Adrenaline? Horror and Action. Sadness? Tragedies. Belonging? Sitcoms. Drama? Drama (well no shit but why would you wanna exclude it...now that I think about it, what an abysmal placement choice..completely wrecks it, but so does this so...). But sometimes, still incorporating the drug metaphor, you don't exactly get what you paid for. Sometimes (well mostly but I'm only referring to the end feeling..like the OVERALL end feeling) you get more than what you bargained for. You get a happy ending. All well and done for the characters but what about you? With all this empathy, there is bound to be something that you see and think to yourself, "Oh I know what that's like." If it's good, then great. Bad? Well I don't want to be a prick so I'll just say I'm sorry to those of you, sincerely. But the king of the cul de sac of probabilities is the outcome of a happy ending or happy throughout the whole thing (in terms of human emotional experience). Sometimes you get to a point where the empathy stops, because for those characters, the situation pressed on in minutes whereas you're at a stand still, wondering how the hell your life is going to turn out. Or you see something genuine and heart warming but realise, you're in the same position but feel something completely different and because it's a movie, you know that there's something wrong in the real world...with how you're living. I gained emotional nourishment and satisfaction from films but when that screen turned pitch black, I asked, "What the hell am I doing?" I was happy with my fictitious reality. Now I'm in my own stalemate.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
lalalalalalalalalalalalalaloveyou
This time it's forever
I know more than ever
That I got it right
Sweet dreams tell me nothing
I need hope in something
And I found it right
Here with you
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
'random categoried guy'
some time ago, i met a random guy on the street. apparently, if i blog about his 'awesomeness' (cough), it's revive the blog. he also asked me for my view/ opinion of him in detail. so why not kill two birds with one stone.
i think you are a mean person (and master) who does not know how to look after things in his possessions. you always leave them hanging around lost and lonely. you always get things your way and you make my life miserable. nah jokes.
as i have told you many times, you intrigue me. your way of thinking, and subconsciously screwing with my head not only gives me a bigbig headache but brings my curiosity up to a whole new level. those 'secret intentions' of yours.. i've thought of many possibilities as to what they could be, but you'll never tell me will you? but i know your other dirty little secrets hehe >:)
when we met, i think i was "going through a hard time", but you (whether you knew it or not) helped me overcome that and now i feel indifferent towards it. you also put up with my complaints through the night as i did with your snoring JOKES. oh, and you kept me company when no one else was there. so i guess, i could say i think you're kind (?) you're probably laughing arentchu.
i think you have a nice smile and nice eyes. and you're mummy's little boy. nuf said.
i haven't known you for long, and don't know much about you so i can't say much. that's good enough isn't it ? :) i would totally say more but other people will read it (a certain 'douchebag'). so i'll tell you another time :P
ps. when i see/ think about a dog, i'm reminded of you. SO HERE'S A PICTURE JUST FOR FUN :D
how cute is that :)
hi there.
you're on a search for a friend who you 'feel that you can trust'. that loyal, trustworthy friend who you can rely on all the time. a friend who will have your back regardless of the situation. someone who you can depend on. a friend who will listen and not judge. i am not that friend for you. i don't like it when you follow me around. you may think that we are somewhat 'close' but i don't think that is the case.Being that 'reliable' friend of yours is somethign i can't do. I'm sorry. i don't want you following me around where ever i go like some lost puppy. for some reason, i just can't stand you. i'd rather you leave me alone :)
on the other hand,
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
hi there and look who's back (:
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it's week six freaking hell omg english omg math omg physics omg omg stress stress stresssssssssssss :( i missed blogger. i'm not sure how it came back. ray is quick to notice... haha. matthew you're awesome. just saying. of the 50 people we're following, your pretty much one of the only ones who post and keeps the dashboard alive. kay back to physics. -lucy.
SEVERELY~~~ I LOVE YOU :) 
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
my sister pissed me off.
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